FRED  EMERSON  BROOKS 


University  of  California  •  Berkeley 

FRED  EMERSON  BROOKS 
COLLECTION 


CREAM  TOASTS 


By  the  same  author 

BUTTERED   TOASTS 

OLD  ACE  AND   OTHER  POEMS 

PICKETT'S  CHARGE  AND  OTHER  POEMS 


Cream  Toasts 

By 

FRED  EMERSON  BROOKS 


CHICAGO 

Forbes    &    Company 
1915 


Copyright,  1915,  by 
Forbes  &  Company 


CONTENT 


CONTENTS 

Page 

The  Maiden  with  Beautiful  Eyes 9 

To   Youth   and   Age 10 

The  Human  Prayer 11 

Mother  and  I 12 

Gentleness 15 

The  Rose 16 

The  Glory  of  a  Smile. 17 

The  Barefoot  Boy 18 

Common  Folks 20 

Business  and  Pleasure 21 

Piano    Technique 22 

Woman  Beautiful 23 

To  Cupid 24 

The  Voice  of  the  Rose 25 

The  Bone    of   Contention 26 

It'll  Get  Ye 27 

Who  Understands  a  Woman?..                                .  29 


CONTENTS 


Page 

Be    Somebody 31 

Always  a  Little  Behind 32 

The  Maiden  and  the  Rose 33 

When  Were  You  Happiest? 34 

Make  a  Sweetheart  of  Your  Wife 35 

Seeking  the  Girl  to  Love  Me 36 

It  Can't  Be  Done 37 

What  Is  Right 39 

Before  and  After 40 

Slander 41 

The  Self-Righteous  Man 42 

Looking  Ahead 43 

The  Suffragette •  • 44 

The  Wedding   Banquet 45 

To  the  Absent  Ones •  • 47 

What  We  Get  Out  of  Life 48 

Thanksgiving   49 

Conscience 50 

Women  in  Mathematics • 51 

The  Shark  and  the  Whale. .  .  52 


CONTENTS 


Page 

Irony 53 

Keep  a  Smile  on  Your  Front  Yard 55 

Greet  the  Day 56 

Vice  and  Advice 57 

Stubs  His  Toe 58 

As  Good  as  He  Can  Be.      59 

The  Painter 60 

Today   ••••••  61 

The  Spare  Rib 62 

Is  Whiskey  Good? •  - 63 

Always  There  on  Time 64 

My  Neighbor's  Rose  and  Mine 65 

Do  the  Thing  That  Is  Handy 67 

The  Linnet 68 

The  Sign  Board 70 

The  Reward  of  Labor 71 

Records    •    •  •   72 

The  Thinker  and  the  Doer 73 

Menu  for  the  Day 74 

The  Universal  Shrine 75 


CONTENT 


Page 

The  Wanton  Songs  of  Wine 77 

The  Man  at  the  Mill 78 

Pat's  Opinion  of  Flags 79 

The  Good  Old  Times 80 

To  Create 82 

Silver  Wedding 83 

Grape  Juice 84 

Whenever  in  Doubt  Don't  Do  It 86 

Your  Best  Friend 87 

Honeymoon    Days 88 

The  Cheerful  Man  and  the  Grouch 89 

The  Farmer 90 

Your  Moving  Picture 91 

It  Was  Hell 92 

The  Knocker  and  the  Booster 93 

The  Birthday  Ring 94 


CREAM  TOAST 


THE  MAIDEN  WITH  BEAUTIFUL  EYES 

Here's  to  the  maiden  with  beautiful  eyes 
And  whether  those  eyes  be  brown  or  blue 
It  is  all  the  same  if  the  heart  be  true 
And  the  love-light  shine  in  those  orbs  for  you ; 
So  here's  to  the  maiden  we  idolize ! 


CREAM  "TOASTS 


TO  YOUTH  AND  AGE 

How  slowly  the  hours  go  dragging  by 
When  eager  youth  would  have  them  fly, 
While  waiting  in  school  for  the  time  to  play 
Or  waiting  a  circus  or  holiday ; 
Thanksgiving    to    Christmas    seemed    most    a 

year 

And  Time  such  a  slow  old  charioteer: 
That  is  youth. 

But  after  the  days  when  the  hair  turns  white, 
Then  Time  goes  by  like  the  moon  at  night; 
The  man  goes  slow  and  his  watch  goes  fast, 
He  looks  at  the  future  and  thinks  on  the  past. 
And  gazes  out  on  the  harbor  where 
The  old  ships  lie  that  are  past  repair : 
That  is  age. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  HUMAN  PRAYER 

O  Lord,  forgive  my  many  sins, 

The  other  fellow's,  too; 
Grant  me  the  grace  that  Heaven  wins, 

The  other  fellow,  too; 
Give  me  the  kindliness  of  soul 
To  help  some  mortal  reach  his  goal 
Till  j.oy-wine  fills  my  empty  bowl, 

The  other  fellow's,  too. 


CREAM  TOASTS 


MOTHER  AND  I 

In  the  land  of  the  Shamrock,  far  over  the  sea, 

In  a  rose-covered  cottage  she's  waiting  for  me. 

Always  comes  to  the  door  when  a  stranger 
goes  by 

And  her  mother  heart  throbs  in  the  hope  it  is  I. 

When  I  left  her  she  kissed  me  a  hundred  times 
o'er, 

Till  you'd  think  that  my  face  wouldn't  hold 
any  more. 

She  supposed  they  would  last  me  until  I  re- 
turned ; 

Oh,  the  love  a  boy  gets  that  he  never  has 
earned. 

What  the  poor  cannot  lose  and  the  rich  cannot 
buy 


CREAM    TOASTS 


Is   the  love   of  two  sweethearts   like  mother 
and  I. 

I'll  be  home  in  old  Erin  the  very  first  ship, 
I  wrote  and  told  her  to  not  let  it  slip. 
I  must  not  tell  her  all  till  she's  used  to  her  joy, 
Then  I'll  just  give  a  hint  of  the  wealth  of  her 

boy. 
When  she  knows  there's  a-plenty  to  have  what 

she  will — 
After  long  self-denial — her  heart  might  stop 

still. 
I   am   lucky,   they   say,   but   it's   all  mother's 

prayers, 
When  the  Lord  lends  a  hand  in  a  poor  boy's 

affairs. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


What  the  poor  cannot  lose  and  the  rich  cannot 

buy, 
Is  the  love  of  two  sweethearts  like  mother 

and  I. 


14 


GENTLENESS 

Gentleness  shows  the  refinement  of  birth, 
'Tis  the  crown  of  all  graces  human, 

The  stamp   of   one's   greatness,   the   proof  of 

his  worth, 
Like  the  song  in  the  heart  of  a  woman. 

'Tis  the  God  in  the  mortal  who  gentle  will  be 
To  the  child,  to  the  poor,  to  the  stranger, 

Make  him  most  like  the  Master  of  Galilee, 
With  the  meekness  that  lay  in  the  manger. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  ROSE 

Of  all  the  things  which  Nature  grows, 
Where  fragrance  dwells  and  color  shows, 
There's  naught  to  match  the  red,  red  rose. 
But  how  was  it  made  and  where? 

The  barren  bush  had  grown  a  thorn  ; 
It  pierced  an  angel's  hand; — next  morn 
From  every  drop  a  rose  was  born; 
The  rose  is  an  angel's  prayer. 


REAM    TOASTS 


THE  GLORY  OF  A  SMILE 

Here's  to  the  smile  on  a  woman's  face 
Where  the  soul  creeps  out  from  its  trysting 

place 

With  a  rosy  "good  morning"  to  one  and  all 
Like  the  sun  creeps  over  the  mountain  wall. 

The  prettiest  sight  in  the  world  today 
Is  a  beautiful  face  with  the  smiles  at  play  ; 
And  the  plainest  features  grow  fair  meanwhile 
Till  you  wonder  they  ever  forget  to  smile. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  BAREFOOT  BOY 

I'm  toasting  the  joy 

Of  the  barefoot  boy 
Who  turns  the  world  to  pleasure 

And  cares  not  a  rap 

For  the  fussy  old  chap 
Who  seeks  the  loot  and  the  treasure. 

"Too  fond  of  his  play," 

His  teacher  might  say, 
"He'll  surely  turn  out  a  zero!" 

No  one  can  foresee 

What  a  boy  will  be, 
Perchance  he'll  turn  out  a  hero. 


18 


CREAM    TOASTS 


Running  back  through  the  list 

Can't  you  see  where  you've  missed? 
Where's  the  boy  whom  you  thought  such  a 
wonder? 

Well,  he  went  to  the  bad, 

While  the  rascally  lad 
Is  filling  the  world  with  his  thunder. 


19 


CREAM    TOASTS 


COMMON  FOLKS 

We're  ready  to  praise  the  rich  or  the  great 

Who  rise  by  genius  or  pluck  or  fate; 

But  here's  to  the  man  of  the  common  clan 

Who  plods  along  in  the  caravan 

And  goes  not  far  from  the  road  called  Straight. 


20 


CREAM    TOASTS 


BUSINESS  AND  PLEASURE 

Now,  here's  a  toast  to  business, 

That  keeps  us  all  alive, 
Another  one  to  pleasure 

On  which  we  mortals  thrive; 
But  when  you're  mixing  pleasure 

With  your  business  you  must  learn 
Not  to  mix  too  much  of  pleasure 

Or  you'll  bust  the  whole  concern. 


PIANO  TECHNIQUE 

Here's  to  the  girl  who  delights  us  alway 
While  at  the  piano  keys  lingering, 

We're  charmed  with  the  music  and  marvellous 

play 
Of  her  hand  and  her  beautiful  finger-ring. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


WOMAN  BEAUTIFUL 

Made  of  lilies  and  roses,  of  opals  and  gold — 

But  where  did  they  find  out  of  heaven  the 
mold? 

From  the  stars  and  the  midnight  they  fash- 
ioned the  eyes, 

And  her  smile  from  the  dawn  when  the  song- 
birds arise, 

And  the  marvellous  grace  that  her  movements 
disclose 

From  the  sunbeams  that  dance  on  the  heart  of 
the  rose. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


TO   CUPID 

Thrice  welcome,  little  Cupid, 

We'll  drink  a  toast  with  you: 

Your  cup,  a  morning  glory 
A-drip  with  sparkling  dew. 

We  toast  you  not  in  liquor, 

Since  we  would  have  you  stay; 

Strong  drink's  a  malefactor 
Ever  driving  Love  away. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  VOICE  OF  THE  ROSE 

I  plucked  a  rose  exceeding  fair 
And  said:    "How  very  sweet  you  are; 
The  prettiest  thing  beneath  the  sky, 
But  are  you  not  afraid  to  die 
And  make  the  dew  a  tear?" 

"I'm  first  a  bud  and  then  a  rose; 
My  petals  open  to  disclose 
The  sweetness  of  the  life  I  live: 
My  joy  consists  in  what  I  give 
And  not  how  I  appear. 

"My  eager  spirit  upward  flies — 
For  nothing  in  creation  dies — 
The  spirit  only  is  the  rose 
Which  fragrant  to  its  Maker  goes, 
Leaving  the  ashes  here." 


CREAM    TOASTS 

THE  BONE  OF  CONTENTION 

It  was  not  meet  for  man  to  dwell  alone — 
From  Adam's  side  God  took  away  the  bone 
To  make  the  mother  of  the  human  races 
But  put  on  choicer  flesh  in  better  places. 


26 


IT'LL  GET  YE! 

If  you  make  a  friend  of  liquor 

It'll  get  ye ! 
And  the  more  you  drink  the  quicker 

It'll  get  ye! 

Make  no  boast  of  being  strong 
Just  to  jolly  self  along: 
Every  toper  proves  you  wrong — 

It'll  get  ye! 

There's  a  demon  in  the  bottle — 

It'll  get  ye ! 
It  has  never  failed  to  throttle — 

It'll  get  ye! 
It  will  wreck  your  life  career, 


CREAM    TOASTS 


Poison  those  whom  you  hold  dear, 
Bring  you  all  the  hell  that's  here — 
It'll  get  ye ! 


28 


CREAM  TOASTS 


WHO  UNDERSTANDS  A  WOMAN? 

Who  understands  a  woman? 

He's  not  forsooth 

A  gushing  youth 

Nor  any  sage 

Of  middle  age 
Who  understands  a  woman; 

Nor  is  he  old 

With  bags  of  gold! 

Then  who  is  he? 
Well,  don't  ask  me, 
For  I  am  only  human. 
'Tis  doubtless  true 
The  man  that  knew 


29 


CREAM    TOASTS 


Was  never  known  to  draw  one — 

Marooned  the  while 

Upon  an  isle, 
He  died  before  he  saw  one. 


30 


BE  SOMEBODY 

If  you  wish  to  be  good,  be  thoroughly  good 
And  don't  be  a  namby-pamby. 

If  you're  bound  to  be  bad,  be  rippingly  bad, 
A  regular  Billy-be-dam-by. 

You  might  just  as  well  make  a  man  of  your- 
se* 

And  furnish  your  upper  story. 
Living  properly  here  you  never  need  fear 

The  continuous  Crematory. 


31 


CREAM    TOASTS 


ALWAYS  A  LITTLE  BEHIND 

We've  a  roast  for  the  indolent  kind 
Who  think  to  be  late  is  refined. 
It  would  be  a  good  trick 
If  we  each  placed  a  kick 
Where  the  man  is  a  little  behind. 


32 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  MAIDEN  AND  THE  ROSE 

On  your  breast  a  ruby  rose  you  wear, 
Pretty  rose  so  soon  to  fade  away, 

Nothing  in  its  beauty  to  compare, 

With  the  blushes  that  your  cheeks  betray. 

There's  a  rose  that's  fairer  still  I  vow, 
Sweeter  far  than  any  garden  grows, 

Should  you  doubt  me  I  can  prove  it  now: 
Bounteous  nature  made  your  mouth  a  rose. 

Never  was  a  rose  to  me  so  fair. 

All  that  I  possess  I  bring  to  thee; 
All  the  love  the  human  heart  can  bear, 

Praying  you  will  give  that  rose  to  me. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


WHEN  WERE  YOU  HAPPIEST? 

When  were  your  happiest  moments, 

What  was  your  hour  of  bliss, 
When  your  cup  of  joy  was  fullest,  my  boy, 

From  your  earliest  day  to  this? 

'Twas  when  you  had  won  some  honor — 
You  haven't  forgotten  I  wis— 

It  was  mother  and  you,  when  her  prayers  came 

true, 
And  heaven  got  into  her  kiss. 


REAM  TOASTS 


MAKE  A  SWEETHEART  OF  YOUR 
WIFE 

Since  you're  bound  to  have  a  sweetheart, 
Make  a  sweetheart  of  your  wife  ; 

When  you've  tried  it  for  a  fortnight 
You  will  keep  it  up  for  life. 

There  is  nothing  in  creation 

That  will  bring  such  big  returns, 

And  supply  that  bit  of  heaven 

For  which  every  mortal  yearns. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


SEEKING  THE  GIRL  TO  LOVE  ME 

I'm  seeking  a  girl  to  love  me, 
With  eyes  like  the  stars  above  me; 

Tho*  ofttimes  I  worry 

I'm  not  in  a  hurry 
So  please  give  me  time  and  don't  shove  me. 


36 


CREAM  TOASTS 


IT  CAN'T  BE  DONE 

How  oft  you  hear  the  thoughtless  say: 

"It  can't  be  done!" 
As  though  they  knew  the  only  way 

Success  is  won — 

When,  out  there  steps  a  modest  man, 
By  skill  a  master  artisan, 
Who  says:    "Excuse  me,  but  it  can!" 

Then  starts  to  do  it. 

There's  nothing  seems  beyond  the  skill 

Of  men  with  brain, 
That  pushing  engine  called  the  will 

Which  starts  the  train. 
Success  you  find  not  sitting  down; 


CREAM    TOASTS 


If  you  would  gain  her  precious  crown 
Just  add  a  verb  unto  the  noun — 
The  verb :  go  to  it ! 


38 


REAM    TOASTS 


WHAT  IS  RIGHT 

Whatever  your  conscience  says  is  right 
You  may  as  well  believe  it, 

For  conscience  never  gives  up  the  fight 
And  none  of  your  wiles  deceive  it. 


39 


CREAM    TOASTS 


BEFORE  AND  AFTER 

Here's  to  the  man,  howe'er  we  judge 
By  heart  or  brain,  who  will  not  fudge. 
The  best  of  us  have  frailties  hid 
That  show  not  till  we  lift  the  lid; 
Some  men  we  deem  worth  looking  at 
Are  bald  beneath  their  silken  hat. 
Some  men  in  war  bear  terror's  name, 
But  when  at  home  grow  very  tame. 
And  many  a  hero  cries  forsooth 
When  up  against  an  aching  tooth. 
Some  youths  look  fair  as  a  bud  in  spring, 
But  not  so  fair  through  the  wedding  ring. 
For  when  they're  wed  their  faults  unfold 
And  show  the  half  was  never  told. 


CREAM     TOASTS 


SLANDER 

Here's  to  the  man  who  holds  his  tongue, 

And  sets  no  tales  a-flying; 
Has  no  insinuations  flung 

Where  some  good  name  is  dying. 

Slander  has  one  only  eye 

But  two  great  ears  like  platters; 
A  tongue  that  rattles  to  supply 

The  venom  that  she  scatters. 


41 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  SELF-RIGHTEOUS  MAN 

There  was  a  man  who  sought  to  cure 
His  neighbors'  sins  on  rigid  lines — 

A  sort  of  moral  osteopath 

To  straighten  up  their  wicked  spines; 

When  finally  it  came  to  pass 

This  hypocrite  turned  into  stone 

He'd  faced  a  magic  looking  glass 

Reflecting  sin — and  saw  his  own. 


42 


CREAM    TOASTS 


LOOKING  AHEAD 

The  young  man  would  the  daughter  wed; 

To  him  the  father  spoke  his  mind : — 
"Your  prospects  are  too  far  ahead, 

Your  credit  is  too  far  behind. 

"A  life  of  leisure  you  have  led 

And  love  has  made  you  now  so  blind 
You  cannot  see  a  foot  ahead 

But  you  shall  feel  a  foot  behind." 


43 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  SUFFRAGETTE 

At  the  restaurant  table  he  met 

A  militant  lady,  you  bet! 
So  often  I've  seen  you 
I'll  pay  for  both  me-n-u, 

So  the  man  and  the  sweet  suffrag-et. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  WEDDING  BANQUET 

Here  we  sit  at  Love's  banquet  where  two  lives 

unite 
From  the   pathway   of  joy   and   the  trail  of 

delight. 
We  pledge  you  in  draughts  from  the  vintage 

divine 
With  a  nectar  more  sweet  than  the  rose-colored 

wine. 
'Tis   the   wine   the  immortals   concocted,   we 

think, 

As  the  only  intoxicant  lovers  should  drink. 
From  the  grapes  of  Devotion  this  love-wine 

is  pressed 
And  its  flavor  will  keep  while  'tis  held  as  the 

best. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


Tis  the  sunshine  condensed  into  clear  amber 

dew 
With  a  pearl  in  the  love-cup  for  her  and  for 

you. 


CREAM    TO 


TO  THE  ABSENT  ONES 

Here's  to  those  who  can  never  come; 

To  their  memories  now  we  play  the  host : 
While  our  hearts  beat  low  like  the  muffled 
drum 

To  the  lip  of  silence  we  raise  the  toast. 


47 


CREAM    TOASTS 


WHAT  WE  GET  OUT  OF  LIFE 

Our  life  resembles  much  the  soil, 
Pays  back  for  seed  for  thought  and  toil. 
Whatever  wampum  we  invest 
We  get.it  back  with  interest; 
No  matter  what  in  life  we  win, 
We  get  out  more  than  we  put  in. 
But  if  our  sins  got  their  just  due 
The  Lord  help  me,  the  Lord  help  you. 


48 


EAM    TOASTS 


THANKSGIVING 

Thanks  to  the  Lord  for  the  good  things  we  eat, 
Thanks  to  the  Lord  for  the  home  where  we 
meet, 

For  our  parents  and  wives 

And  the  loves  of  our  lives 
And  the  sweetest  of  sweethearts  all  sweet. 


49 


CREAM    TOASTS 


CONSCIENCE 

Here's  to  the  moral  censor 

That  tells  you  right  from  wrong, 
The  stern  old  truth  dispenser 

That  guides  you  all  along. 

You  hear  the  voice  inside  you, 
You  can't  mistake  its  tone, 

'Tis  always  there  to  guide  you 
But  lets  you  act  alone. 

No  matter  who  may  flout  you 

On  this  you  may  rely 
'Tis  the  only  thing  about  you 

That  never  tells  a  lie. 


WOMEN  IN  MATHEMATICS 

Men  never  can  with  women  vie 
As  mathematics  well  attest: 

Whether  they  add  or  multiply 

We  note  their  figures  are  the  best. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  SHARK  AND  THE  WHALE 

The  Shark  and  the  Whale  went  to  feed-o; 
Said    the    Shark— "You    would    better    take 
heed-o, 

I've  a  lump  in  my  chest 

Which  I  cannot  digest 
For  I've  swallowed  a  German  torpedo." 

"You'll  die-jest  like  a  busted  bologna," 

Said  the  Whale,  "but  I've  pangs  of  my  own-a, 

For  in  spite  of  what's  wrote 

On  the  size  of  my  throat 
I've  just  swallowed  a  submarine  Jonah." 


52 


CREAM    TOASTS 


IRONY 

How  noble  'tis  to  be  dead  drunk 
And  turn  oneself  to  human  junk ; 
Lie  down  amidst  the  filth  and  dirt 
And  never  have  your  conscience  hurt ; 
Be  so  offensive  to  the  view 
That  e'en  your  dog's  ashamed  of  you; 
Thrice  noble  Sir,  in  this  you  see 
The  highest  type  of  irony. 

To  you  who  tipple  now  and  then 
The  railway  monarchs  need  such  men; 
The  bankers  need  the  men  who  think 
Hence  they  employ  young  men  who  drink; 
The  merchant  much  prefers  his  lass 
Should  wed  the  youth  of  social  glass ; 


CREAM    TOASTS 


One  spirit  toast  pray  drink  with  m< 
The  Spirit  of  this  irony. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


KEEP  A  SMILE  ON  YOUR  FRONT  YARD 

Make  a  playground  of  your  features 

Where  the  smiles  come  out  to  play; 

Let  your  feelings  take  a  recess 

As  they  did  in  childhood's  day. 

Turn  the  sunshine  on  your  nature, 
Never  let  your  face  grow  hard, 

Tear  away  the  picket  fences, 

Keep  a  smile  on  your  front  yard. 


CREAM  TOASTS 


GREET  THE  DAY 

Go  greet  the  new  day  early 

That  blushes  beyond  the  hill, 

Far  out  of  the  hurly  burly 

Where  the  God  of  man  is  still. 

Get  a  sip  of  sunshine  glory 

Well  mixed  with  morning  dew, 
Uncover  your  upper  story 

And  praise  the  Lord  anew. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


VICE  AND  ADVICE 

The  vulgar  will  ever  entice; 

In  the  grip  of  its  clutches  we  fall  ; 
If  we  followed  our  mother's  advice 

We  would  hardly  have  vices  at  all. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


STUBS  HIS  TOE 

There's  perfect  happiness,  boundless  joy, 
In  the  first  warm  day  to  the  country  boy, 
With  his  shoes  pulled  off  and  his  white  feet 

bare, 

He  is  racing  his  dog  who  has  speed  to  spare : — 
There's  a  wince,  then  a  smile,  for  he  hates  to 

show 
How  much  it  hurts  when  he  stubs  his  toe. 

But  rare  is  the  man  who  will  never  squeal 
When  he  stubs  his  toe  in  a  business  deal. 
We  are  not  so  brave  as  the  barefoot  lad, 
We  are  apt  to  swear  and  go  crazy  mad 
And  blame  the  world  for  our  business  woe 
When  we  make  a  blunder  and  stub  the  toe. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


AS  GOOD  AS  HE  CAN  BE 

No  man  you'll  agree 
Is  as  good  as  can  be 

Though  as  good  as  the  Master  expected 
If  he  does  what  he  can 
For  the  poor  of  his  clan 
And  plays  a  square  game 
With  his  fellow  man 

He  will  find  he's  among  the  elected. 


CREAM    TOAST 


THE  PAINTER 

All  hail  to  the  marvelous  Painter 
Who  colors  the  glorious  dawn, 

Blots  the  stars  from  the  canvas  of  morning 
J£re  He  gathers  the  dew  from  the  lawn. 

And  the  Artist  who  flings  down  the  shadows 
Where  the  cattle  lie  under  the  trees, 

Blends  the  greens  and  the  purples  of  mountains 
With  the  blue  of  the  sky  and  the  seas. 

And  the  colorful  fresco  of  sunset 

When  the  clouds  and  the  sea  turn  to  wine ; 
Which  is  best  of  the  pictures  we  know  not 

But  the  Painter  we  know  is  divine. 


TODAY 

Why  pause  to  weep 

Or  vigil  keep 
O'er  some  dead  yesterday? 

Do  not  repine 

Nor  stop  to  whine 
But  put  the  corpse  away. 

Get  up  and  smile 
And  stretch  awhile 

Then  start  another  lay; 
Fill  up  your  chest 
And  do  your  best 

To  beat  it  out  today. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  SPARE  RIB 

God  took  the  rib  that  Adam  had  to  spare; 

A  spare  rib  made  not  asking  Adam's  leave ; 
And  though  man  love  the  rosy  morning  rare 

His  conduct  shows  he  much  adores  the 
Eve. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


IS  WHISKEY  GOOD! 

If  whiskey  is  so  very  good, 

Inquired  the  thoughtful  lad, 

Why  does  it  make  old  Mister  Wood 
So  very,  very  bad? 

It  makes  him  rave  and  fight  and  swear, 
And  shunned  where'er  he  goes. 

His  children  have  no  shoes  to  wear 
And  all  have  ragged  clothes. 

And  what  about  each  drunken  sot 
Around  the  neighborhood? 

They  must  have  been  a  sorry  lot 
If  whiskey  did  'em  good. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


ALWAYS  THERE  ON  TIME 

To  one  who  is  worthy  of  rhyme 

Like  a  faithful  clock  to  chime; 

He's  a  friend  preferred 

Never  breaks  his  word 

And  he's  always  there  on  time. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


MY  NEIGHBOR'S  ROSE  AND  MINE 

My  neighbor's  rose  across  the  line 
Is  just  as  beautiful  as  mine 
And  ever  closely  they  entwine 

Their  twigs  together. 
When  roses  talk,  as  roses  may, 
Their  velvet  petals  seem  to  say 
Tis  well  that  neighbors  live  alway 

In  sunny  weather. 

My  neighbor  has  a  daughter  fair 
Of  which  my  son  is  well  aware 
For  oft  I  see  the  loving  pair 

Exchanging  roses. 
And  not  to  let  brave  chances  slip, 


CREAM    TOASTS 


Exchanging  roses  of  the  lip 
As  though  they'd  formed  a  partnership 
Beneath  their  noses. 


66 


DO  THE  THING  THAT  IS  HANDY 

To  do  your  share  of  kindly  deeds 

Don't  look  too  far  away. 
One  never  needs  a  telescope 

To  see  a  load  of  hay. 

God  puts  the  things  that  He  needs  done 

So  very,  very  nigh, 
You  never  need  to  hunt  for  one 

Nor  even  strain  your  eye. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  LINNET 

The  red-throated  linnet 
Who  sings  by  the  minute 

Outside  of  my  chamber  window. 
He  sings  in  a  hurry 
And  don't  seem  to  worry 

As  to  whether  I'm  Yankee  or  Hindu. 

The  notes  come  a-tumble, 

A  melody  jumble; 
He's  singing  for  all  there  is  in  it; 

When  you  put  them  together 

You  cannot  tell  whether 
The  tune  is  at  fault  or  the  linnet. 


68 


TOASTS 


No  life  would  be  dreary 
If  men  were  more  cheery 

And  copied  the  birds  in  their  chorus. 
Let  happiness  borrow 
The  songs  of  tomorrow 

And  fling  all  their  melody  o'er  us. 


69 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  SIGN  BOARD 

How  absolute  the  index  hand 

Upon  the  sign  board  there. 
It  simply  points  in  dumb  command 
As  though  'twould  have  you  understand 
The  way  that  you  must  fare. 

Some  meager  fact  it  has  to  show — 

This  hand  that  never  delves — 
Much  like  some  men  that  you  may  know 
Who  point  the  way  that  you  should  go 
But  never  go  themselves. 


70 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  REWARD  OF  LABOR 

What  matter  who  reaps  or  who  sows? 
When  the  harvest  is  over,  if  one  does  his  share, 
The  reward  of  the  worker  in  heaven  some- 
where 

Will  be  the  forgetting  of  woes. 

The  weary  appreciate  rest ; 
The  sunshine  is  brightest  just  after  the  rain; 
The  greatest  relief  is  the  freedom  from  pain; 

And  the  joy  after  sorrow  is  best. 

Don't  grumble  because  of  your  lot: 
The  meek  and  the  lowly  will  sometime  com- 
pare 
The  rapture  eternal  with  former  despair 

And  be  glad  of  the  things  they  had  not. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


RECORDS 

The  phonographic  records  seem 
Like  melody  in  stone 

Some  singer  smiling  in  a  dream — 
But  how  about  your  own? 

The  voice  of  one  we  cannot  see 
Rings  out  in  mellow  tone; 

We  guard  that  record  carefully, 
But  how  about  our  own? 


REAM  TOASTS 


THE  THINKER  AND  THE  DOER 

Whoever  has  wrought 

An  excellent  thought 
Or  given  the  world  a  fable, 

Set  a  window  light 

On  a  darksome  night; 
Or  loaded  a  poor  man's  table; 

Who  hath  given  a  sip 

To  the  thirsty  lip 
From  Charity's  ruby  wine, 

He  shall  find  in  sooth 

If  the  words  be  truth 
Once  uttered  in  Palestine. 


CREAM  TOASTS 


MENU  FOR  THE  DAY 

For  breakfast  have  a  smile  to  spare, 
A  kindly  deed  well  done, 

With  gentle  words  not  over  rare, 
A  dish  of  seasoned  fun. 

For  lunch  a  few  warmed  over  jokes 

With  light  frivoli-tea. 
But  serve  no  roast  for  other  folks 

With  whom  you  disagree. 

For  dinner  don't  bring  in  a  broil 
Nor  have  a  family  stew. 

Give  salad  lots  of  olive  oil 

And  dessert  the  sweetmeats  due. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


THE  UNIVERSAL  SHRINE 

Nature  provides  a  single  shrine 
To  which  all  humans  trend, 

Where  creeds  are  neither  mine  nor  thine 
Yet  here  all  mortals  bend. 

Man's  common  altar  is  the  rose; 

The  little  child  to  worship  goes 

And  all  through  life  its  ardor  grows 
Increasing  to  the  end. 

No  man  so  wicked,  mean  or  vile, 

E'en  though  he  be  a  sot, 
But  at  some  flower  will  stop  a  while, 

In  field  or  garden  plot, 
And  bend  him  to  inhale  a  prayer 


That  flowers  utter  on  the  air, 
For  roses  their  own  incense  bear 
By  palace,  hall  or  cot. 


76 


CREAM  TOASTS 


THE  WANTON  SONGS  OF  WINE 

How  easy  sung  the  wanton  songs  of  wine, 
The   surcharged  senses   revel  while  men 

drink ; 

The  brain  anhungered  even  while  they  dine, 
To  such  foul  use  who  bring  the  luscious  vine 
Besotted  live  and  to  oblivion  sink. 


CREAM  TOASTS 


THE  MAN  AT  THE  MILL 

A  man  is  a  mill  to  grind  what  he  will 

But  grind  his  grist  he  must 
Till  this  turning  sphere  with  its  unseen  gear 

Shall  grind  him  back  to  dust. 

We  may  scoff  and  laugh  at  the  hulls  and  chaff 
But  the  wheel  keeps  turning  round. 

And  what  will  we  say  when  we  come  to  weigh 
The  corn  that  we  have  ground? 

For  the  good  we  grind  in  the  mill-stone  mind 

And  the  kindly  deeds  we  do 
Will  open  the  door  to  the  Evermore 

With  welcome  to  me  and  you. 


TOASTS 


PAT'S  OPINION  OF  FLAGS 

But  one  of  the  prettiest  flags  that  I  know 

Is  the  great  oriflamb 

Of  our  old  Uncle  Sam; 
With  its  red  and  white  bars  all  laid  out  in  a 

row, 

And  a  nice  pasture  blue  for  the  bright  stars  to 
grow, 

With  the  eagle  above 

And  around  it  the  dove. 
Of  the  Star  Spangled  Banner  alone,  it  is  said 

She  has  earned  this  renown — 

She  was  never  pulled  down. 
With  the  green  on  my  grave  and  that  flag 

overhead 
I  think  I'll  rest  aisy!— But  wait  till  I'm  dead. 


THE  GOOD  OLD  TIMES 

Let  them  prate  as  they  will  of  the  good  old 
times, 

They  have  done  it  for  ages  past, 
Forgetting  to  note  as  they  ring  the  old  chimes 

The  world  is  advancing  so  fast: 

The  engines  of  yesterday  lie  on  the  scrap 

And  we  laugh  at  our  grandfather's  ways, 

For  his  journey  of  months  with  his  oxen  may- 
hap 
We  can  make  in  a  couple  of  days. 


80 


CREAM    TOASTS 


The  tallow-dip  past  is  electric  today! 

What  light  from  the  past  shall  we  borrow? 
Let  us  talk,  let  us  fly  through  the  air  how  we 
may, 

They'll  be  laughing  at  us  on  the  morrow. 


81 


CREAM    TOASTS 


TO  CREATE 

To  think  a  thought  which  no  one  thought 

before ; 

To  plant  a  rose  beside  some  cheerless  door. 
Create  a  joy  in  some  poor,  ragged  breast 
Where  simple  joy  is  such  a  seldom  guest. 
To  bear  a  gift  unto  some  longing  lad 
Who  little  wants  and  little  makes  so  glad. 
Creating  bliss  in  some  unwonted  heart 
Makes  you  Creator  and  of  God  a  part. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


SILVER  WEDDING 

How  blest  the  sight  when  we  behold 
In  these  divorceful  days 

A  wedded  love  that  grows  not  cold 
And  neither  heart  betrays. 

Love  is  like  the  red,  red  rose 
Hard  by  the  cottage  door: 

Each  pelting  rain  it  undergoes 
But  makes  it  blush  the  mote. 

Tend  well  this  rose  beside  the  door, 
"Pis  Cupid's  royal  crest; 

Its  fragrance  will  the  heart  restore : — 
Old  roses  are  the  best. 


CREAM    TOASTS 


GRAPE  JUICE 

Here's  to  the  juice  of  the  vine 

With  the  poisoning  devil  left  out; 

For  the  demon  that  lurks  in  the  wine 
Good  women  are  putting  to  rout. 

'Tis  as  pure  as  the  blood  that  redeems, 
In  its  color  no  wretchedness  shows, 

In  its  sleep  no  delirious  dreams 

Nor  crimes,  nor  inebriate  woes. 

'Twas  the  miracle  wine  at  the  feast; 

And  we  beg  of  the  Master  divine 
One  miracle  further,  at  least: — 

Turn  all  liquor  to  innocent  wine. 


CREA M    T  O  A S  T  S 


In  kissing  the  goblet  for  him, 

The  maiden  can  harbor  no  fears 

That  her  love-wine  aflood  to  the  brim 
Will  be  turned  by  her  lover  to  tears. 

The  father  while  toasting  the  son 

Knows  grape  juice  will  never  impart 

That  demon  of  thirst  in  the  one 

While  breaking  the  other  one's  heart. 


REAM 


WHENEVER  IN  DOUBT  DON'T  DO  IT 

A  health  to  the  man  who  is  willing  to  wait 
While  adding  all  diligence  to  it. 

Let  none  get  the  itch  to  be  wealthy  or  great; 
When  the  doorway  is  open — go  through  it. 

Don't  swallow  a  statement  that's  sugared  out- 
side 

Like  a  pharmacy  pill,  with  your  mouth  open 
wide. 

But  let  this  good  maxim  be  ever  your  guide : — 
Whenever  in  doubt — don't  do  it! 


CREAM    TOASTS 


YOUR  BEST  FRIEND 

(Yourself) 
Here's  to  the  very  best  friend  you  know, 

You've  known  him  all  your  life ; 
He  never  quarrels  with  you  although 

He  often  gets  you  in  strife. 

He  smokes  your  cigars  and  wears  your  clothes 
And  you're  forced  to  pay  his  way, 

But  he's  fond  of  you  and  he  always  knows 
Some  very  nice  things  to  say. 

He  excuses  the  errors  that  you  have  made, 

Whatever  your  lot  he'll  share. 
And  when  it  comes  to  the  final  spade 

You'll  find  him  waiting  there. 


HONEYMOON  DAYS 

How  many  make  sport  of  the  honeymoon  days, 
How  the  cynical  bachelor  sneers, 

While  the  man  who  is  sunburnt  with  dissolute 
rays 

And  the  mortal  who  treads  in  irregular  ways 
And  the  moral  iconclast  jeers. 

But  the  honeymoon  journey  will  always  be 
sweet 

And  last  to  the  end  of  your  life, 
If  you  make  of  your  cottage  a  lover's  retreat, 
And  ever  at  table  give  Cupid  a  seat, 

And  never  feed  Discord  nor  Strife. 


CREAM  TOAST 


THE  CHEERFUL  MAN  AND  THE 
GROUCH 

All  hail  to  the  man  with  a  smile  and  a  song, 
Who  says  "How  d'do!"  as  he's  passing  along; 
Who  gives  you  "Good  morning"  and  brings 

you  good  cheer, 
And  tells  you  of  things  that  are  pleasant  to 

hear. 

But  the  grouch  is  a  nuisance,  his  vision  is 

short, 

His  judgment  is  bilious,  his  brain  has  a  wart, 
You  cannot  be  bothered  with  what  you  abhor 
So  bid  him  go  plumb  to  what  Sherman  calls 

war. 


M    TOAST 


THE  FARMER 

Here's  to  the  monarch  who  owns  the  soil; 
Of  independence  and  cheerful  toil. 
His  barns  are  full  and  his  stock  well  fed. 
His  cellar  is  crammed;  and  be  it  said 
He's  the  only  man  in  the  nation  wide 
Who  can  close  his  gate  and  stay  inside 
And  say  to  the  merchant  and  money  king, 
"I'll  see  you  later — sometime  next  spring." 
While  the  man  outside  in  hunger  begs — 
For  his  golden  hen  can  lay  no  eggs. 


YOUR  MOVING  PICTURE 

Be  careful  what  picture  you're  leaving  today 
On  the  negative  plate  in  their  hearts 

For  the   children  to  see  when  you're   taken 

away 
And  the  film  through  the  memory  starts. 

On  the  screen  of  the  future  to  them  you'll 
appear 

In  the  great  moving  film  you  have  made. 
It  cannot  be  changed,  all  the  pictures  are  clear 

And  never  through  life  will  they  fade. 


CREAM    TOAST 


IT  WAS  HELL 

There  was  a  man  who  oft  denied 

A  place  like  hell  existed. 
One  night  he  dreamed  that  he  had  died — 
Something  he  ate  which  had  been  fried— 
"What  place  is  this,"  the  dreamer  cried, 

"To  which  I  have  been  listed?" 

He  saw  more  men  than  he  could  tell 

With  not  a  woman  showing; 
A  Scotchman  said,  "Judge  for  yoursel'." 
The  dreamer  sighed :    "I  know  it  well, 
No  women  here — this  must  be  hell! 
Excuse  me  friends,  I'm  going." 


92 


REAM  TOASTS 


THE  KNOCKER  AND  THE  BOOSTER 

Who  invented  the  Knocker 

No  mortal  can  tell 
Nor  why  he's  a  blocker 

Of  things  going  well; 
Perchance  he's  a  shocker 

To  warn  folks  of  hell. 

Nor  Webster  nor  Worcester 
Can  tell  us  just  when 

Yet  God  made  the  Booster 
To  encourage  good  men 

As  He  gave  out  the  rooster 
To  encourage  the  hen. 


THE  BIRTHDAY  RING 

The  ring,  the  child,  a  mother's  arms  enfold ; 
A  flawless  jewel  in  the  clutch  of  gold. 
What  greater  love  can  any  mother  show? 
What  greater  joy  can  happy  childhood  know? 
To  keep  that  life  within  a  golden  band 
Let  honor  lead  and  virtue  hold  the  hand. 
Then,  should  the  spirit  slip  from  out  the  ring 
There's  life  eternal  where  the  angels  sing. 


By  the  same  author 

BUTTERED  TOASTS 

Every  one  of  the  eighty-two  toasts  is  new 
and  original  and  as  charming  as  all  the  work 
of  this  popular  humorist.  None  is  "dry  toast." 
They  throb  with  wit  and  human  interest. 

"Clever,  sparkling  toasts  by  one  of  the  brightest  poets 
of  the  day." — San  Francisco  News  Letter. 

"This  book  will  be  a  blessing  to  all  after-dinner 
speakers." — Boston  Globe. 

"Very  clever  and  sensible." — Book  News  Monthly. 

"It  will  make  any  fellow's  mouth  water  and  cause 
him  to  ask  for  more." — Seattle  Post  Intelligencer. 

"Brooks  is  a  poet;  he  is  a  genius." — New  York  World. 

"Brooks'  poems  abound  in  pathos,  wit  and  humor." — 
Chicago  Record-Herald. 

"There  is  in  Mr.  Brooks'  verses  a  freshness  and  vivid- 
ness that  rivets  the  attention  of  the  reader." — Columbus 
State  Journal. 

Attractive  cover  in  colors. 

Price,  50  cents 
FORBES  &  CO.,  Publishers,   Chicago 


TOAST 


BOOKS  BY 

FRED  EMERSON  BROOKS 

"Brooks  is  a  great  poet  and  a  genius  of  great  ability. 
Humor  and  pathos  abound  throughout  his  poems,  and 
many  partake  of  the  inspiration  of  the  war-drum,  but  he 
is  thoroughly  at  home  in  whatever  strain  of  melody  he 
chooses  to  adopt." — Atlanta  Constitution. 


PICKETT'S 


CHARGE  AND 
POEMS 


OTHER 


"There  is  in  Brooks'  poems  the  dash  of  the  unexpected, 
like  a  cavalry  charge." — GENERAL  PHIL  SHERIDAN. 

Cloth,  12mo,  gilt  top,  214  pages,  $1.25. 


OLD  ACE  AND  OTHER  POEMS 

"There  is  a  freshness  and  music  and  joyousness  and 
jollity  and  naturalness  in  Fred  Emerson  Brooks'  poems 
that  make  them  charming.  In  the  handsome  volume  the 
reader  can  find  something  for  every  mood  and  condi- 
tion. He  can  shed  tears  or  laugh;  he  can  be  jolly  or 
sad." — Chicago  Inter  Ocean. 

Cloth,  12mo,  gilt  top,  208  pages,  $1.25. 
FORBES   &   CO.,  Publishers,   Chicago 


